listening:: Poison Girl by HIM
I feel. so. dumb. I called the baseball field where Devon works and made sure he was there (how stalkerish of me) and then lied to my dad to get him to drive me down there without being all "who's this Devon?" I told him I was going to talk to the lady in charge of the concession stand to see if I could sign up to work there longer. And so begins the tale of woe and horror.
You must realize that I have never actually asked a guy out, it's always been the other way around. I've never gone up to some guy I liked and told him straight out. Because I am the Almighty Wuss. And proud. Anyway, I walked up to the drink window of the concession stand that Devon manages and when I saw Devon there I acted surprised ("hey! Devon! You're working tonight?" etc.) and then ordered a small sprite. We joked around for a second and then I asked if I could come in so I could ask him something. He said yeah, sure. So, my blood racing, I walked around to the side door that I normally use to get in when I work. He came over to me and asked what I needed. "Do you know who I can get in touch with to ask for more days to work?" Hey, I had to stick with something that gave me an actual purpose for being there. Rather quickly he pointed me to a sign with all the big dogs' numbers and told me which one to write down. I walked in a little oval for no apparant reason (my nervousness was wreaking havoc on my ability to act cool) before getting my pen out and writing down the number on my arm. Slowly. Very. Slowly. And then I wrote down her name. And her address. And "home phone." Dammit, why hadn't he come over to see how I was doing yet? So, after completing this, I waited akwardly over by the wall, still holding my sprite and nervously playing with my hair. When he finally came over he laughed and asked "what are you still doing here?" I told him I had one more thing to ask. He came over to me and since the concession stand is long, but not very wide, he was right in front of me and I had to talk while staring into those meltingly blueish-green eyes. I said, "you're kind of currently on my top five list of super cool acquiantances right now..."
"*Laughs* Is that a bad thing?"
"No! You're just really funny."
"Thanks."
"Yeah, so, um, my friends and I are going to see Van Helsing this weekend - are you busy?"
"I'd love to come, but guess where I'm gonna be? Here. I have to work from 6 to 9:30. And I have an orchestra concert at my school on saturday
"Really?! You're in orchestra?! What do you play?"
"The cello..."
"No way!"
"What?"
"Sorry...I have all these friends that play the cello. That's so awesome."
Then I had a blonde moment and asked him what he was doing on saturday, although he had already said he had his orchestra concert. That was...embarassing, to say the least. We talked for awhile about his concert and how it was medieval themed and I lamely asked if he was going to play the cello in a suit of armor. At the end he said, "So, I'd really love to come..." and something else that I couldn't quite hear over the sound of my heart breaking and spraying its bloody pieces into my liver. Ouch.
I was like, "yeah, I wish you could come too. Thanks (my voice broke right as I said thanks so I started coughing for a second.). See you around..."
Oh God oh God oh God. I left as the most miserable, embarassed little girl you ever did see holding a sprite in my hands and dragging my heart through the rocks and sand behind me.
I still love him. I hate myself.